Thursday, February 21, 2013
Bizarre, I tell you.
But this week of waiting has been sweet, sweet. Frances is on her midwinter break from school - something I have been complaining about loudly to anyone who will listen (Whoever heard of midwinter break! And spring break a month away...!) - but now that it is nearly over I am grateful for the timing. I'm lucky to have work that is flexible and that I have been slowly scaling back in preparation for a maternity leave. The child care issues were minimally stressful. Mostly I've been able to enjoy rare mornings with Frances while her brother is in school and long lazy afternoons the likes of which haven't been seen since the summer: playing with friends, reading a ton, baking, and watching The Sound of Music projected on our playroom wall.
It's not quite as harmonious as the Von Trapp family singers - changes in routine and this whole baby thing have us all on edge at times - but it is good. I find myself utterly besotted with my family as it is right now, in this perfect still moment. When the four of us are reading on the couch after dinner, when the children are guffawing conspiratorially with some adorably innocent secret naughtiness, when Gabriel floats on his back and sings in the bathtub, when Frances walks the whole way home from the library reading her newest book in utter absorption - I am smitten. I am awash in love for them. I can barely stand it.
So that is part of the strangeness, the quiet I am feeling just now. Anticipating change, my heart is impossibly tender towards the family that we are today. Yet with every shift and turn in my belly, I am positively desperate to meet this babe and welcome her into our fold. Like countless very pregnant women in every time and place, the waiting is wearing on me.
Oh! I love now. I can't wait for now to change forever.