time warp

Sunday was a very full day, and Tuesday holds in store work obligations, a visit from Gramma, and soccer practice, and so somehow between these two busy bookends I completely forgot about today, Monday. Presidents Day! The children both had the day off, and we woke up this morning with nowhere to be and nothing particularly pressing to do.

It brought back the days when my babies actually were babies, and each new day was wide open--sometimes oppressively so--because it was up to me to structure it, define it, and make something meaningful of the long hours ahead. Nowadays our family schedule is defined by school, activities, playdates, church, etc. Though I am no good when it comes to rushing (I hate yelling up the stairs to remind the kids to brush their teeth while I'm packing lunches and checking work email), I hadn't really realized how nice it is to not bear sole responsibility for the day.

It sounds like we didn't have fun. We did. We made an American Presidents Tree in honor of the holiday. We've been on a real American history kick around here lately, and it seemed wrong not to mark the occasion. So the kids colored a tree on big brown paper, I cut out leaves and wrote the presidents' names and dates on them, and they glued them--George Washington at the base, Barack Obama at the tippy top--all over the branches. We cut a few apples on which Frances added significant historical events. She said we could leave some space at the top for the next president to occupy, but I told her I'm hoping the leafy arrangement stays just as it is come Election Day. It reminded me of another tree we'd made, a long time ago.

What else? We visited a playground with the scooters, and stopped in at our favorite cafe. We colored and read lots of stories, and I gave Gabriel a haircut. So much of it was reminiscent of those early days in this house, when I carried a baby, a preschooler, and a lot of uncertainty about my future around everywhere I went. I even made healthy-ish cookies this afternoon! (Recipe at the end of this post). Just like I used to, back when I kept things like sugar and videos and less-than-literary children's books as far away from my delicate babes as possible. (I'm not much of a purist these days; I agreed to chocolate milk at the cafe without hesitation this morning.)

We walked around the neighborhood and delivered a few sort of healthy cookies to some dear neighbors, and by the time we returned and I was making dinner I had that familiar feeling in my limbs, that surging desire to move that used to accost me every day around 5 pm when I was home full time with the kids. Tonight, while I was simmering chick peas, nothing could have made me happier than a long uphill hike. But of course that didn't happen; I finished making dinner and sat down to sing grace with my family instead.

But as familiar as it all felt, nothing illustrated how different things are in our house today than the moment this evening when I jumped up and asked Frances with a smidgen of alarm what she had in her mouth. We were reading The Middle Moffat, heads touching, and I heard what I thought was a small, chokable plastic bead rolling against her teeth. I imagined she'd found it in the couch cushions and had unthinkingly popped it in her mouth.

With affectionate exasperation, she explained that the sound came from wiggling her loose tooth. "When they're really loose, Mama, they sound juicy."

Oh. I see. What was I thinking? My friends, babyhood was such a long time ago.

Healthy-ish Peanut Butter-Banana-Apple-Chocolate Chip Cookies

(modified just a wee bit from this recipe)

2 ripe bananas, mashed
1/2 cup smooth peanut butter
1/4 cup brown sugar
1/3 cup white sugar
1 tsp baking powder
pinch salt
1 1/4 cups white whole wheat flour
1/4 cup ground flax
1/2 peeled, diced apples
1/2 cup chocolate chips

Combine bananas, peanut butter, and sugars. Add baking powder and salt; stir. Add flour and flax 3/4 cup at a time, stirring after each addition. Fold in apples and chips. Drop by large spoonfuls onto a cookie sheet lined with parchment paper, flatten the top of each cookie with a spatula, and bake at 375 for about 12 minutes.