go go go stop

I just got back from Back to School Night for Frances. Next week I'll go for Gabriel. Yesterday was soccer, tomorrow is Girls on the Run, the annual breakfast meeting for the St. John's health center began my day yesterday and a long faculty meeting made for a late reunion with my husband that night. This season of new beginings - all worthy endeavors - is well underway. But sometimes it feels as if I am barreling all day from one thing to the next and if I don't stop and take a breath I'll head straight over the falls.

I know I've told you lots about Beatrice's bedtime. Come to think of it, it might be the only thing I ever blog about anymore. Homemade Bedtime. Hmm. But I digress: the point is that it is a precious still moment in my day. Indulge me here - I need to revel in those moments and hold them close, to balance out all that barreling.

Mike has taught Beatrice to say I love you when they say goodnight to each other. I love you Papa. It sounds a bit like: Ah ruv you. Papa. It is the sweetest thing in the world.

Tonight after all the night night, I love yous, we entered her room. She turned her light off ("light OFF") (she likes to narrate as much as her experience as possible these days) and settled into the rocking chair with me to nurse and sing. She paused, looked up at me, and smiled.

I love you, Papa.

I repeated her words: I love you Papa.

I love you, Gabriel.

I smiled back and repeated: I love you Gabriel.

Hello, Didi. I love you.

I thought my smile would get so big it would start to pull my face apart. That sweet hello! I repeated: I love you Didi.

Then she just grinned back at me in silence.

....I love you, Beatrice, I said.

More grinning. Silence.

What about Mama? ...I love you Mama?

Then she said it. I love you. Mama.

Even though I'd asked her to, I still nearly choked with emotion (laughter? tears? something beyond those categories?) as I told her I loved her too.

And then she laughed! She was smiling with her eyes and nose and chin and teeth and it got so big and wonderful that she laughed. Transcendent.

Then she abruptly got serious, turned towards me and announced: nurse.

It all lasted about two minutes, and it was the most joyful moment of my day. Off the charts joyful! My heart sings with the memory of it.