birthday (and blogging) season concludes

Well, this year's round of birthdays concludes. Today, on my birthday! Now I am thirty-six. Beatrice was born in March, Gabriel in April, Mike in May, Frances in June, and here we are in July, and Mama's birthday places the period on this long rambling sentence of celebration...until next spring.

Just before we went to the beach last week, we watched that spider assiduously, impressively constructing her web in an unfortunate spot. She used the frame of our sliding glass door to anchor it, which made for great viewing from the dining room - but heading outside was nearly impossible without dragging her tight spiral apart. We eventually destroyed it. The next morning she was at it again. Sisyphus the spider! Each day her miraculous creation was doomed before it ever reached completion.

I empathized with that spider. Admiring her handiwork before gently opening the door in the morning was the best I could do to honor her efforts. Though my homemaking is sloppier, I felt we were kindred spirits. This summer I am home with my three children, and there has been far more baking, crafting, mess-making, swimming, biking, and stroller-pushing in my life over these past months than I've experienced in years. Well, I've never had a summer quite like this. My mind is filled with nap schedules, the anticipation of kindergarten, and appropriate boundaries for an eight year old cyclist who would like to ride on her own to unknown distant locales. Each day I launder, wash dishes, clean counters, insist on good manners...and wake up the next day, to do it all over again. I wish I had the patience and fortitude of the spider. Some days I do, others (especially after sleepless nights) I do not.

The last shred of creative mental energies that remain after a day spent with my little (and not so little) ones channels towards thinking about my new job. Next month I'll start working at St. John's College, in the student counseling service. The job is dreamy, in all kinds of ways. I was doing psychotherapeutic work before Bea was born, alongside my role at Seeds 4 Success, but this will be more intensive, allowing more hours and more in-depth work with clients. More learning, more growing, more opportunities to partner with people and facilitate healing. A new community to find my role within, and ... sigh! ... a new child care arrangement. Here is where my stomach sinks and my limbs grow heavy. Even though Bea will be taken care of by someone I trust and respect and like - who lives down the street, no less - I'm scared.

With a new baby and a new job fast approaching, you may have noticed I've been a rather negligent blogger. I find my life is stripped to essentials, and self-care is typically what moves into the spare moments when I might have been writing a few short months ago. Exercise, reading, being with friends, time with my husband - these are things I need. Sometimes I compose posts in my mind, while nursing especially, but when to put these thoughts to screen? The time eludes me.

It might return. Homemade Time isn't over - but maybe this particular season of blogging is. I've been quieter here. It's a much quieter place, generally! I still need and want to work out the dilemmas of parenting, reflect on those transcendentally beautiful moments with children, and wonder about the ethical implications of our choices as a family in this micro-community, this place of connection that has been a source of so much unexpected goodness in my life! But. But this beautiful baby sure gets in the way. And soon my job will, too.

I'll still post. I love writing, and I love this record of our family growing up. But I warn you, it may tend away from lengthy stories and wonderings and be more of an occasional look-how-cute-my-kids-are kind of thing in the months ahead.

Thank you, all of you, for the excellent conversations, support, kindness, solidarity, ideas, and sharing over the past years. What a blessing Homemade Time and its readers have been!