mangia

Remember how I said I probably wasn't blogging anymore?

Hmm. Well. I was just thinking about this one little thing that kind of tickled my fancy.

You know the kind of grandmother that urges children to eat with an intensity that is startling, almost scary? Have you noticed how a child that eats and eats and eats fills many mothers (myself included) with nothing less than satisfied, glowing joy? I have often wondered why a hearty appetite makes me so happy. Sure, it's my job to feed my family, and everyone likes to do a job well, but it goes even deeper than that.

Last night Beatrice, who has been waking up more often than usual with teething pain (she has TWO teeth ... how is it possible??) slept all night. I shouldn't even tell you about it. I'm probably disrupting the cosmic order right now and she won't sleep through the night again til high school. (But I'm willing to take the risk for this tiny insignificant post-blogging post!)

Getting back to Bea. I woke up at 5:30 this morning, completely confused (what happened to the baby? where am I? good gracious, what time is it??) with what I will euphemistically call discomfort. Oh my. Serious, big bad discomfort. I tried to go back to sleep but that wasn't happening. Finally, feeling ridiculous, I tiptoed into Beatrice's room with the intention of waking up my baby who was still in the process of sleeping til morning. I know, absurd.

I leaned over the crib and she was wide awake, all big blue eyes, smiling and happily kicking off her swaddling blanket. I scooped her up to nurse. Relief! (Mostly. I had to pump a bit too).

All morning I've been overfull, and the last time the baby nursed I heard myself whispering to her: mangia, mangia. Eat, baby. Help your mama out. Eat, eat, eat.

Is that where it all starts? Is this experience where the third helping of kugel or lasagna comes from?  I do think relief features in the mix of positive feelings I get from successfully feeding my big kids, even though it seems like my own physical well-being is no longer at issue. But it is. It is.