where I've been

I haven't blogged in a very long time. I've missed this space, and the palpable sense of connection and  common experience that comes with it. I find myself oversharing on Facebook, which really isn't comparable to this - though it did provide a forum to share some of the adorable photos from our visit in Lancaster with my mom and gloriously pregnant sister and her family. I want everyone to see her and her belly. Magnificent, I tell you!

The house is half packed up, though it doesn't really look that way. It looks more like a big mess. Besides the normal logistical stress of preparing for a big sabbatical adventure, Mike has been struggling with some persistent health issues that had all of us worried and uncertain about the future. Over the past two days, we've been able to rule out more serious diagnoses and he finally seems to be recovering. His doctors concur. Gabriel told me this morning he knew Papa was better because he has been playing more games with him. I noticed that too. We are all finally relaxing into the knowledge that he is going to be okay.

But wow. Every time I felt tempted to post over the past few weeks, I couldn't bring myself to do it. Worries about health and whether or not international travel was going to be feasible, let alone wise, have been before my eyes and heart all the time. It seemed wrong to share here about anything else more superficial without acknowledging that sobering reality.

A little while ago some friends took me out for a lovely evening, a goodbye-for-now night out, and I found myself sitting down, looking around at the seven or eight open, dear faces, and telling them  tearfully about our worries. I explained I just had to tell them that right away, so as not to feel false or trapped in superficialities all night. Of course they got it. After that, we had a great time. 

So - inhale, exhale - that's what's been going on. Now that things are looking very positive and hopeful, I can safely acknowledge all of it without causing you undue worry - and move on to other things.

Well. Maybe I don't really have much else to share. Just one little observation: the humble summertime beauty on offer in my backyard has proved a great solace during this time of worry.  All the in between moments have quietly nurtured me - waiting on a very slow, distractible toddler to wend her way to the car while watching squirrels play, weeding for a moment before heading into the house and marveling at the abundant herbs, pausing before walking somewhere to watch the mama robin fly to her big babies in the nest outside our front door. 

It's probably time they fledged, but I want them to stay a bit longer. Take your time, little robins.

The most delightful and restorative sight in our yard? Goldfinches perched delicately on coneflowers, sunflowers, and lupine, plucking out the seeds and gobbling them down with captivating precision. Last summer I tried photographing them and they looked shockingly almost grotesque - bright yellow miniature dinosaurs. Much better to encounter them in motion.

All will be well. I always knew it, but now I know it with a more peaceful heart. Maybe, just maybe, I will make it back to post here again before we move out of our house in ten short days. Thank you, readers, for sticking around through a long quiet spell. I missed you.